The one thing that is inevitable about the birth of a child in my family is my trip to the store for that dreaded feminine hygiene product that men refuse to acknowledge even exist. On a routine shopping trip,we avert our eyes as we walk down that aisle, whistling a friendly tune as we would if we were walking alone, down a dark alley, with money in our pocket. The reason we invented channel surfing was to avoid watching two women, in a commercial, discussing which feminine hygiene product they preferred. Today was my day to purchase said feminine hygiene product. After kid one was born, I thought it would be easier just to shoot myself in the head. From kid 2 through 6, it got a little easier each time. You just get numb over time, I guess. Well, here's about how it went today:
Me (after wandering the aisles, pretending to shop for anything but feminine hygiene products, but finally stumbling upon that place men's eyes rarely stray to)(under my breath) "Okay, now what did she want? None of these look like what the hospital had."
Woman (who just happened to arrive at the same place at the same time, looking for the same thing): "Oh, they never sell the ones like the hospital has. It's so annoying."
Me: "Well, she said to get big ones, with wings."
Woman (pointing to a brand of feminine hygiene product): "Those are good for overnight use." (I notice it said that exact thing on the package)
Me: "But they don't look anything like the one from the hospital, and it doesn't say 'wings' anywhere. Oh, and by the way, these are for my wife who just had a baby." (I didn't want her to think I was weird, or anything.)
Woman: "Congratulations! Is the baby yours?"
Me (not knowing how to answer that one, thinking it may have been some kind of trick question): "Yes, and thank you." (Then, my eye catching the word 'wings' on a package) "Here we go, this one says 'maxi' and 'wings' on the same package. They must be the ones she wants, even though it looks nothing like the one from the hospital."
Woman: "I'm sure they'll do the trick. Congratulations again."
Me: "Thank you."
Then I bravely strutted, with all available machismo, to the front of the store, proudly displaying the fact that my manhood was not threatened by feminine hygiene products, and completed this most difficult mission. I figure if I can go through this most stressful situation, I won't feel bad about badgering my beautiful bride into having #8.
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7 comments:
*Giggle* You are a wonderful husband! I had no idea that's how channel surfing was invented LOL
Congrats again!
You're better than my DH who just refused to go that far. Good thing I had a girlfriend shopping for me. Congratulations again!
Too funny. I bought ahead of time so my DH wouldn't have to do this. You're a good man!!!
This is the funniest thing I've read in a while - you owe me a new keyboard - this one's full of Diet Pepsi :o)
Big Huge Congrats on the arrival of Kearsyn (so glad she's yours LOL)
ps. Mike would rather hang by his earlobes than to do such a task - postpartum or not LOL
Oh Andy you crack me up! I'm so sorry we didn't chat yesterday when I called, but I was so excited when someone answered I forgot your name lol...you're a good man. Oh and your bride and I already talked about #8 (so you better get her while it's in her mind) I told her she'll need to room in with the doctor next time tho lol Thanks for such a great entry. I love reading your stuff!
I agree with Margaret, too funny! I could just picture the scene in my mind. That woman who asked if the baby was yours was probably a little uncomfortable herself buying femine products with a man standing next to her. She most likely went away kicking herself for asking you such a question.
Goodness. Times have changed. (I'm saralaughs' sister btw). Married to a bi-racial man, our children are a crayola box of colors. I get "Do they all have the same father?" "Are you fostering?" "Is that one adopted?"
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